I know, I know, I have neglected the blog

I always forget the pics upload at the top. I always do it wrong. Stinks!! Oh well, I know that is what you all like checking out the most anyways. LOL So here ya' go.

Chelsea on her 4th birthday wearing her capri's I knit her and a shirt I had a WAHM make to match. Samuel's new Bloo Kangaroo carrier I just got. It is soooooooooo comfortable. I love it. He is asleep in this picture. He feel asleep literally within 20 seconds of wearing him on my back this day. I think he loves it too! :)

The big 4 year old Squirt!!

Chelsea has been eyeballing this Dragonfly balloon ever since her friend Ava got one at her b-day party. Who knew a balloon could bring so much happiness, she was in giddy balloon heaven.

so much to do, so little time. Who reads this thing anyway??? Is it merely only an internet page for me to randomly spill my gut out?? (guess that's why I chose the title) Heck who knows, but for those few who peek at it here ya' go!! we have had birthdays, out of state relatives, the flu. I have been knitting, still deeply yearning for my car. I almost about can't scroll down on the blog and see the pictures, it hurts too bad still. I loathe seeing other new dodge durango's and the elk have certain lost their appeal to me. I just about curse them when I drive by a herd. I need a job. I am seriously considering taking some classes at the college so that I can start working my way to be a labor and delivery nurse. I really would love to be a surrogate mom but Mike thinks I am CRAZY and is totally against it. The only things that hold me back are the fear of if I needed to be on bedrest, no I could handle that. But what if I had to be hospitalized and miss watching my children grow and who would watch them? I can not even bare the thought of someone else raising my kids, even if it is temporary. And then there is the fear of the unthinkable. We won't say it out loud, but you all know there are risks in pregnancy!!! So, with that being said I would like to get my body back to it's regular size and I suppose I should focus on that. but does the love for babies and pregnancy ever go away. If I had $ I 's have more. But of course then there is a side of me that is looking forward to the day I can sit and not worry where and what someone is doing, where I do not have to be on the edge of my seat and actually hold an adult converstation with someone and not be interupted a million times. That brings me to another subject. LIFE!! I really have this need to live again. I really want to be reincarnated into another human, a beautiful, rich woman so that I can bare children again and LIVE. I really enjoy life. It is so beautiful. I feel like I am getting older and there is sooooooooooo much I wanna do and I feel like there is so little time!!!! Okay, that is enough rambling for today. Here's some pics!! The whole reason you all like visiting when you do!!! ABOVE. I edited wrong and if I take the time to fix it I will never post. So sorry for it being all backwards. But isn't that life these days. Sheesh!!!

*** Wow, I should definately proof read ever psot before I publish it. LOL It sounds like I am really morbid or depressed saying I want to live again as if I meant now, like I am asking for a "do over". (did you get that impression, lol) No what I meant was that I like living so much, I want to continue that route. I know one day my body will give out, I just wish there was some kind of certainty that I get to do it again. I mean, I really like "living". I want to be a child, marry, have children again. I feel like at almost 40, it has all clicked. The importance of it all. I recognize it, appreciate it and now I want to enjoy this state longer. Make sense???

wanted to add "geocaching"

this link! It looks like so much fun to do with your kids:

http://www.geocaching.com/

okay you asked for it, here it is

I always forget to post pictures first then write. So, pics are out of order. But isn't that why you all come here to see pics fo the kids anyway. I know you don't want to hear my woes. Maybe I should start posting pics of my knitting as well. Would that entertain you?? Just ask and you shall receive. LOL

A few of you have inquired about any new posts. So, here I am. Not too much to report. I really think I am in a mental/emotional rut ATM. I am still PISSED about my car and Mike's tax crap!!! But on the lighter more enjoyable aspect of my life. Samuel is trying to walk. He has walked about 10-12 ft on his own. My god, it is so stinkin cute. He also has turned the corner from being a "baby" and entered the very busy and demanding world of "toddlerhood". It was just overnight that he can manuever himself up into the play chair of his, or climb onto the rocking fish and give it a whirl. Oh yes, he also climbs up the stove and hangs from the handle. He is getting very ambitious lately, standing on top of things to be higher. He climbed on the couch, from Chelsea's bed onto the window sill. You have to lvoe the days when they reach these milestones but are not mature enough to be aware of the conscequences. Like FALLIN OFF!!I have even seen him get up on the tricycle of which I have since had to put outside again after he and the bike crashed and when Chelsea ran over his foot and then moments later his hand. Poor kid. Man, kids sure do take a beating. So, here is My big one year old. That is right he had his first birthday Feb. 10! Ok, I have to cut it short and go pick up the Squirt from school. :)

Is it time?

Is it time to let the shock of my car dissipate? I don't know if I can? The horror and trauma of it are etched in my memory like a freakin carving in a tree. It is never going to leave my head. I wish I had the strength to let it go. But really it has created so many issues in the days since it's occurance! I keep replaying the damn thing standing in the middle of the road, it's eyes, I can recall immediately thinking "holy shit, this thing is huge, it's a bull", I can feel the movement of trying to swerve and then seeing his creamy underbelly in the window thinking he is going to come thru the window. For something that happened so fast, there was alot into it.Then Chelsea was screaming and Mike opened up my door and said those f^%&^$%$$ words. "I don't think we are up to date with our insurance". Where is the "we" in that? I am adamant about paying certain bills, that being one of them. I would never as so much drive to the mailbox with out it. Being I asked a couple of weeks before and received the A. of "yes, we are all paid up". I see no "we" in this error. As I write this I see, no I- it is not time. I am not ready to let it go. I so need counseling! :(

Happy F#$%&^**$% New Year

I was going to send out New Year's cards instead of Christmas but not unless this is what you want to see. Hell, maybe I should do one of those collage cards from shutterfly and proudly display what a 5x5 bull elk does when it stands still in the highway vs. a car. My car! My 6 mo old new car! And I definately would not mail this collage out with pride, but rather deep, deep, intense, utter disgust. Yes, yes, I know could have been so much worse and thank god we are all alright. But the 6500.00 estimate is really eatting a hole in my stomach and the reality of the error my husband made(not paying the car insurance for what ever reason) is etching an even deeper rage of frustration with in me! But as always we have our health and each other and I try focus on the more important results of this painful experience. So sorry to be a scrooge, Happy New year to all! May yours be brighter than mine!